Witzethread

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nomoi II

Re: Witzethread

#71

Beitrag von nomoi II » Do 19. Mär 2020, 09:13

Bogdan hat geschrieben:
Do 19. Mär 2020, 09:01
Das ist jetzt kein Witz von mir: Ihre Aussage stimmt.
Wobei mir das Kilkenny nocht ein wenig besser schmeckt.
...acuh Smithwick´s genannt, das schmeckt aber erst nach dem Dritten :bier:



Bogdan

Re: Witzethread

#72

Beitrag von Bogdan » Do 19. Mär 2020, 15:17

nomoi II hat geschrieben:
Do 19. Mär 2020, 09:13
...acuh Smithwick´s genannt, das schmeckt aber erst nach dem Dritten :bier:
Danke für den Hinweis. Wenn sich die Lage wieder normal ist, werde ich es ausprobieren. Haben Sie einen Tipp wo ich es in Augsburg bekomme?

nomoi II

Re: Witzethread

#73

Beitrag von nomoi II » Do 19. Mär 2020, 15:39

Bin ich mir nicht sicher, aber Murphy´s Law und Flannigans, sind schon gut sortiert, vermutlich kein Straßenverkauf.
Murphys könnte geöffnet sein, hat auch Küche ...

nomoi II

Re: Witzethread

#74

Beitrag von nomoi II » Fr 20. Mär 2020, 08:07

für einen fröhlichen Tagesbeginn und auch zur fremdsprachlichen Weiterbildung ...

Polish divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day
he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances,
and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "JA, JA, an acre and half and nice little home."

LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE: "Its made of concrete."

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No, we have carport, and no need one."

LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."

LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"

POLE: "No, I always up before her."

LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"

POLE: "No, she white."

LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"

POLE: "She going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'."


nomoi II

Re: Witzethread

#75

Beitrag von nomoi II » Sa 21. Mär 2020, 07:36

..

Statt den Witz des Tages Worte zum Samstag, für einige in ra Fremdsproch.

Passt auch zum Verhalten, das man zur Zeit leider vielfach in Supermärkten beobachten muss


Ma ond Weib isch oi Leib, hot dr seal Bauer gsait ond hot de Brote alloi aufgeassa

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MrACE
Beiträge: 3868
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Re: Witzethread

#76

Beitrag von MrACE » So 22. Mär 2020, 22:23

Haller schon in der Jugend, Riedle, Veh und Schuster groß werden sehen und auch noch mit dem FCA an der "Anfield road" gewesen zu sein, mehr geht in einem Augsburger Leben eigentlich gar nicht.
"Augschburger" besser geht eh nicht.

nomoi II

Re: Witzethread

#77

Beitrag von nomoi II » Mo 23. Mär 2020, 06:48

Den allermeisten hier einen guten Morgen und der Start in die neue Woche mit einem
lustigen Sprachkurs:

Texas Rangers. My kind of people ! !

A Texas Ranger pulled over a red Porsche (inhabited by a Yankee) after it had run a stop sign. He walked up to the car door and sain, "Sir, May I seeyour driver's license and registration please?"

The Yankee said, "What's the problem, officer?"

"You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection."

"Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me!"

"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution."

"You gotta be kidding me!"

"It's no joke, sir".

"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution."

"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..."

"You've got a lot of time on your hands, PAL! What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?"

"Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately!"

"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop."

The elderly Ranger had enough and said to the driver, "Sir, I can do better than that." He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.

"Now sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"

This is why Texans love their Texas Rangers. Teaching by example is not a lost art in Texas.

nomoi II

Re: Witzethread

#78

Beitrag von nomoi II » Di 24. Mär 2020, 17:16

Eine fast wahre Geschichte aus jüngster Vergangenheit.
dem o.a. Witz angepasst!


Ausgangslage:
POTUS hatte überheblich angekündigt, unsere medizinischen Labore aufzukaufen.

Auf dem Weg über unsere Grenze passierte dieses .... -

Bavarian Border Control - my kind of people! !

A Bavarian Border Police Officer pulled over a red Cadillac (inhabited by POTUS) after it had run a stop sign.
He walked up to the car door and said, "Mr. President, may I see your driver's license and registration please?"

POTUS said, "What's the problem, officer?"
"You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection."
"Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me!"
"Nevertheless Mr. President, you are required to come to a complete stop,
look both ways, and proceed with caution.

You gotta be kidding me!"
"It's no joke, sir".

"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution."

"That's beside the point, Mr. President. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you did n' t. Now if I may see your license and..."

"You've got a lot of time on your hands, PAL! What's the matter,
all the doughnut shops closed?"

"Sir, I 'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately!"

"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop."

The elderly police officer had enough and said : "Sir, I can do better than that."
He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.

"Now sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"

This is why we Bavarians love our police.
Teaching by example is not a lost art in Bavaria!

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